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Ask Your Grandparents
}} Ian and Geoff explain how they have survived as gladiators so long. Cast * Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ * Ian Starshine ◀ ▶ * Geoff ◀ ▶ * Ollie * Five Gladiators Transcript Belkar: Hey, if you want the failed rehabilitation of all these prisoners on your conscience, take your best shot. Roy: Do not use the word "conscience" in a sentence ever again. Belkar: Whatever—I'm going to go wave my pebble around at them for a while. Roy: Belkar! BELKAR! Geoff: Eh, best to let it go, kid. Ian: Yeah, trust us. We've been around, and there's always one like him in every batch of newbies. Roy: Don't take offense at this, but you two seem a little old to be gladiators. Geoff: Offense? Around here, it's the highest compliment! Ian: "Not dying" is one of my best skills! Roy: What I mean is, you look like you've been in here a long time. You must be pretty powerful fighters. Geoff: Nah. You don't have to be good at fighting to survive. Ian: You have to be good at not getting put on the list. Geoff: There are hundreds of prisoners in this place, but the average gladitorial games only has time for maybe two dozen to duke it out. Ian: The warden gives priority to two groups: The best warriors, who put on a great show fighting—and the worst warriors, who put on a great show dying. Geoff: The two of us, we stay in the middle of the pack. Geoff: We dodge a lot. Geoff looks at his peg leg Geoff: He's better at it than I am obviously. Ian: So they stopped putting us on the fight schedule. Ian: I haven't been in the arena in months! Roy: Well, thanks for the tip, but I'm not planning on being around long enough for it to be much of an issue. Roy: Even if they put me in the arena, I'm not going to execute a possible innocent prisoner for them. Roy: They can't force me to fight. Geoff: No, but they can send in a few dozen soldiers to kill you where you stand. Geoff: Or they'll just feed you to the allosaurus. Roy: ...Allosaurus? As in, giant flesh-eating dinosaur? Ian: 'Fraid so. Roy: Geez, what the hell is wrong with this country? Every thing I learn about it makes it more awful! Geoff: Eh, that's the way things are around here. You should feel lucky— Ian: —they used to have a MUCH scarier monster! Flashback to a giant hand puppet monster Ollie eating a couple of prisoners Roy: ...Wow, thats uh... Roy: That's a bit of a dated reference, don't you think? Geoff: Tell you what, you get back to me after your first grandchild is born and we'll see how daisy-fresh YOUR pop culture jokes are, OK? Ian: I told you we should've gone with one of those "Pokey-Men" the kids are always talking about. Trivia * The puppet creature in the penultimate panel is Ollie from Kukla, Fran and Ollie, an early American TV show, airing from 1947 to 1957. The title refers to this as well. * In panel 11, Ian is attempting to refer to Pokémon. * The strip lampshades the pop-culture humor prevalent in Order of the Stick comics. External Links * 746}} View the comic * 168136}} View the discussion thread Category:Roy and Belkar Become Gladiators